in dire need of a drink.

it seems that all my attempts of pissing my problems away through alcohol today were all shot down... three attempts... shot down... big time.

i don't drink... its not really my thing to go a-drinking when problems come my way. but today, i really wanted to do what other people did when they had issues that have yet to be settled.

i have shit loads of issues. especially these days. i don't want to go into detail about them, i don't really bear my soul to anyone... even to this silly blog. all i know is... there is seriously something wrong. it might be me. i don't know. i don't even know if i cared enough to find out where all this fury is coming from. yes, i said fury, because the word anger just doesn't cut it.

the little devil in me has been manifesting quite a lot these days. not to everyone around me, but to the person that i seem to care for the most. i say things i don't mean... i say things that burn... like i said, i speak poison... daggers come-a-flying out and i can't seem to stop them. only to find myself regretting being a dumbass... crawling back like a wet dog with its tail behind its legs, puppy dog eyes and all, begging for forgiveness. that may be tactic may be working now, but i dread the day when it loses its charm...

i still want to drink... i must try again. to see what it's like to drown myself in sorrow with an alcoholic beverage in hand. any alcoholic beverage i can find... i don't want to think anymore... these thoughts always seem to lead to wrist-slitting fantasies and watching the blood from my veins make mushroom shaped patterns on the bathroom floor. don't worry, i know i won't do it. i'm not capable of that, i'm sure. and i know that i'm seriously exaggerating my situation... maybe i've just seen way too many depressing flicks in my lifetime. so... i should go back to something a little more feasible... alcohol...


ah yes... i went down the stairs to find that mother dear is not around! alas! a bottle of martini asti in the chiller (sadly, not the cellar. i dont like my alcohol in room temperature)... quite yummy, i must say. i got a glass (seriously, a whole glass, i'm that jologs...) and filled 'er up! i'm feelin' a slight buzz. the photo to your left is the glass, that was once filled. yeah... practicing photography, even while self-pity mode is turned on. drown sorrow drown...