i can't post.

because pia is reading this while i type. i need time to think...

gising na.

"do you have the time to listen to me whine about nothing and everything all at once?"

basketcase. every single morning... billie joe armstrong sings me this to wake me up... or at least try to. for the past 9 months... this song has been my alarm clock tune. and it seems that billie joe has lost his touch in getting me up and at 'em in the morning. the past couple of weeks... i don't even hear him anymore. wa epek na siya. i just wake up when my body tells me to. (hahaha! f*ck... my body talks to me!) but then i won't blame billie joe's incompetence or my yaya forgetting to wake me up (more than once, anyway) regarding this matter. i still am just not used to waking up early. i need discipline. i must wake up earlier. i guess one factor that i'm blaming is the lack of work on my part... i haven't gotten a new job order for like 3 weeks. i only had what people would refer to as "pa-petiks-petiks" of JOs for 2 weeks already i think. and i really am starting to feel useless (yet again). i need stuff to work on or i will die of boredom. i have no drive to go to the office early when i know that nothing awaits me when i get there.

I NEED MORE WORK. and i know you're gonna say that i'm gonna regret saying that. but right now... I NEED IT!

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anyway. billie joe armstrong still rocks. but i might try changing my alarms now since his waking up prowess has lost it's touch. i wonder what song i'll use... think think think...

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anaconda is a stupid stupid movie. and angelina jolie's dad is a sucky actor. i haven't seen any good movies that he's starred in. but his daughter is hella pretty.

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pia starts working tomorrow. i must harass her. how to harass pia...
silly college photo. :D thesis days. was always tired then. hence my droopy eyes.

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random nothing. a silly parking attendant dude said something to me in spanish. hahahaha!!! it was kind of weird because it's not on a daily basis that i come across parking attendants who hits me in spanish.

and it's not a normal occurence for me to get hit on anyway. HAHAHA!

market ko talaga... MMDA (hahaha!! it's quite handy when i get asked to pull over)... security guards... janitors... firemen... septic tank cleaners... PANALO!

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mr. hanky just died on south park. Rest In Peace Mr. Hanky.

i want a tattoo...

seriously. i so want one... even if a friend says that it feels like "like a blade cutting ur flesh in rapid succession".

scary... but thrilling. i want one. what design to get though... *wonders*

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randomness...

silly photo i took at 3am in the morning while he was playing the guitar in the mezzanine of our house in tagaytay. i just thought it was nice. :D

coffee accident.

under a starless, even cloudless night sky... without reason... with a party with talented musicians jamming in the background enjoying themselves... i found myself contemplating about how i haven't achieved anything in the 21 years of my stay in this strange little blue planet. despite what other people might say, i haven't done anything remarkable or at the least memorable enough for me to remember when i'm fucking old and wrinkled. what did i do when i was 21? i say... NOTHING!! i haven't honed any skills... everything that i told myself that i would do or at least try to learn i haven't done... it's all stuck in my non-existent list of things to do but haven't done yet because i'm a procrastinator. and have i resigned myself to that fact? i don't know... seemingly... but i don't want to stay that way... i can't believe i sat around for hours last night... cigarette after cigarette... thinking... thinking... envying everyone for everything they have that i don't! seeing people that i admire so much... people that i will never be... i just had to go out for coffee...

dragging tats along with me... i wanted to go to a starbucks spot that we haven't been to before. i needed to just sit down and allow myself to wallow in self pity for a little while longer. sipping the little piece of heaven that can only be bought in starbucks, a coffee frappuccino light blended (without the guilt, yo!). ashcreek center in ortigas was the starbucks of choice that night. as the night grew darker and as we just sat there (with me wallowing... tats trying to make me happy... not failing miserably... but still not getting the reaction that he's been trying to get) a car speeds through ortigas avenue... you can hear him coming without even seeing him... screeeeeeeeeeeech... bang... crash... the tires must have hit the side of the island... lost control... went up on the island... hit a lamp post... and careened on to the other side of the highway. for a moment, as cliche as this sounds, it felt as if time had stopped. Damn! did someone die?! suddenly... tats jumped off his seat to go see what had happened... me being curious myself... i just had to follow.

shattered glass all over the asphalt avenue... a smashed car suddenly surrounded by strangers checking if everyone inside was okay... in moments people who had gone towards the car and those who tried to help had their own versions of the story. of course, the human side of me just had to know what they had to say. one said the person in the passenger seat died... another was talking about a bashed head of sorts... people in the coffee shop were talking about trying to go CSI over what had just happened. whatever the score was... i couldn't get myself to come close to see what the score really was. we tried to go nearer... but i just couldn't get myself to get that close to the accident. i sat by the steps in the building near the accident... smoked yet another stick of winston lights... and watched as the police came and took the people inside the car to the nearest hospital... as spectators and other folks who had tried to help, get on back to their personal business...

it's remarkable how everything happened so fast. and the timing was just... it just... it felt like a sign. me contemplating about my useless worthless life... then someone out of nowhere suddenly lets himself go and getting himself into a really bad car accident right in front of me. i mean... doesn't that say something?! it was like a quick butt slap from God. telling me to stop loathing and wallowing in self pity. that if i want something... if i really do want to achieve and do what i want to do... then i should stop sitting around and dreaming about it.

i guess i'll just have to see what happens.

and yes. i am a cheeseball. thank you very much. :P

note to self: stop wallowing in self pity. silly girl. *slap slap*

chuck's thoughts on boredom.

As soon as we become boring we die. Never ever become boring.
-- Invisible Monsters, Chuck Palahniuk

just something to ponder about. ahhh... palahniuk... you are a smart smart man.
i want to write some more... but i have a lazy arse and i've got an early day tomorrow. so... my thoughts will remain in my greymatter for the meanwhile.

shooting tomorrow. do hope it ends early. (i'm writing in fragments, i am lazy, i must change, will try, swear!)

for a lack of things to blog about.

i took a silly quiz...

Your Stripper Song Is

Closer by Nine Inch Nails "You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I�ve got no Soul to tell" When you dance, it's a little scary - and a lot sexy.

What Song Should You Strip To?

HAHAHA!!! crazy...

random.

i love this poster. wish i could have it...

don't call him that.

last night, i was browsing around through rubadub's photos at multiply... since i started to really like their music and plus tats plays for them occasionally. looking around, looking around. and it seems that everytime i see a photo with tats in the photo, he's referred to as "MR. BOY BASTOS". i wondered why... has he done anything or does he have a reputation of being bastos? i don't really mind... if it's like a joke that they've been throwing around. so out of my curiosity, at 12AM... i called tats to ask why... and he didn't know!! poor guy... he didn't seem too happy to be called "MR. BOY BASTOS"... he told me he didn't get it... why would they call him that. the answer? how the hell should i know... :P

FOOT-IN-MOUTH

happiness. giddy feelings and butterflies. silly grins and puppy dog eyes. chemical reactions brought about by love. and all those loveydovey crap you hear.

it has happened. the disease pia has dubbed me to have. i have contracted... the FOOT-IN-MOUTH disease. i admit it. i'm a hypocrite. majority of the rules and "notes to self" that i have set regarding relationships have all been flushed down the mighty mighty drain. but it seems that i don't care. i don't think i have ever been this happy.

yesterday, if viewed from another person's point of view, may be labeled as mundane and even downright boring. sobrang simpleng saturday lang tsong, but i consider it as one of the finer moments of our relationship.

a quick rundown of events:

in comes tats. brought ingredients for caldereta. left ingredients in the kitchen. went upstairs to watch saturday night live. downstairs for a smoke. start preparing for the caldereta. boil beef. cut veggies up. put in the other stuff (sorry... didn't really pay much attention to the details of the whole thing) ah basta! cooked caldereta for 3 hours! watched TV while doing so. went for smokes. cook. cook. cook. went out to watch ICE AGE 2 and coffee. walked around shangri-la. went home. ate the caldereta. watched television again, saturday night live again. DVD player conks out. forced to watch James Bond (Pierce and Sean versions) on star movies. smokes. watch more tv. accidentally falls asleep. wakes up. realize its morning. panic a little. half awake, i stare at him while he's sleeping. get up. eat breakfast. run.

those are the moments that seem so "wala lang". but those are the types of things that i find myself looking forward to all week.

if i were the old me, and i read this post. i probably would've went "BLEH!!!". i actually still do that... but hey! FOOT-IN-MOUTH seems to be popular nowadays.

*note: the caldereta was fabulous. i ate so much!!! fabulous i tell you! fabulous! the boy knows his cooking!